Universities, as the word suggests, have many missions, but becoming safe spaces for faculty and student juvenility is not among them.

America’s “most widespread age-related disease,” Tom Wolfe has written, “was not senility but juvenility. The social ideal was to look 23 and dress 13.”

The 32-year-old swimmer is so landlocked in juvenility that he pulled an all-nighter with guys young enough to call him uncle.