Tonight's caseload, meanwhile, includes a landscape gardener with a secret crop, an amusingly bickering young couple, missing high-explosive laxatives and a pet mouse causing trauma among the staff.

He spins an amusing though, of course, self-regarding half-hour routine out of the futility of gym workouts and his childhood diary entry detailing the demise of a pet mouse.

Not for appearance - my pet mouse was just desperate for a leather armchair.

The dummy terrified her rabbit and her pet mouse pulled out the stuffing.

In the harshness of the real world mice rarely survive for more than a few months; pet mice live for two years or more.